January fourteenth, 1832

Dear Diary,

    Today, as I was tending my plants, Mary Grace, August Earle's cabin boy, came to warn me that Mr. X might be coming. I offered her money, but she insistently refused. Mr. X never showed up, but the warning was nice. Also, she told me that Mr. X had tried to kill Sammy-the-cat-who-cannot-be-killed, and got a few burns. I may or may not give him any Aloe Vera for his burns. Maybe I will, and pretend that I didn't know where he got them. Also, I heard Hilot mention something about a portal, a McDonald's cheeseburger, and dead rats. I think a McDonald's cheeseburger fell through the portal, and he fed some of it to some rats, which died.
   Also, we had Anchovy Pizza for dinner the other day, and Bartholomeu seemed to want to throw it all overboard. I wonder if the captain overheard someone saying "Anchovy Pizza" and asked the cook to make it. Matikhara must have known how to make pizza, because we had it recently.