Nothing happens on this stupid ship. And I haven't bathed in weeks! I feel so dirty...And things are always either mind-numbingly boring or completely bizarre. Like the other day we finally got out of the ship and on to some remote place or other. So, me and Darwin went on a nice nature walk, for like...plants and rocks and stuff that he's always telling me to water, polish and feed. And it would probably do him good to get on to solid ground for a few hours (seeing as he's always seasick).
    So, about an hour into our walk, he says he's going to go take a leak in the bushes. (I was a bit disgusted by this at first, but nodded like a good cabin boy.) So, I stood there waiting in the leafy undergrowth. I hummed for a bit...looked at my shoes.... he did take a long time. I feel the disgusting tentacles of my impatient nature creeping up over me. I wondered if there was anything interesting to look at. I scanned the thick forest of anything interesting and there right in front of me was absolutely nothing. Aren't there supposed to be phenomena abounding in nature?! Just one little interesting plant or brightly colored bird to look at for a few seconds while my...Darwin pees in some (hopefully fungi-infested) bush. It's like when they see me coming they send little messengers to run forward and start hollering "ATTENTION FOREST-DWELLERS!! IF YOU ARE SOMETHING REMOTELY INTERESTING PLEASE EVACUATE THE PREMISES!" and so on and so forth.
    So then I'm frustratedly looking around for something to look at, and suddenly—I see it. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen. And that says bad things about my life so far. Because it...was a rock. But not just a rock. No, not a Rock. The Rock. The most perfect rock my humble eyes had ever laid their unworthy pupils upon. It was a kind of creamy silvery-white with emerald green speckles. About the size of my palm and smooth as a baby's bottom. Interestingly it didn't have a speck of moss fungus or even dirt. I walked toward it and took it in my hands gently. There was a large chip on the bottom revealing deep purple crystals. I picked it up and hid it in my coat pocket (which for some reason appeared on my bed today...the coat I mean. Not the pocket. It is kind of chilly).
    Presently, Darwin came striding back through the forest. We walked again for a few minutes. He glanced at me and must have noticed the bulge in my pocket because he asked "What've you got in your pocket?" I was slightly surprised he asked. He has this way of acting like everything and everyone that doesn't have anything to do with nature is monumentally dull.
    "Huh? Oh this. Just something I found. Nothing really." For some reason I felt reluctant to let him see it. "Oh? Let me see it." He said. "Oh...all right then..." I brought it out and he stared at it for a few seconds. I then hastily put in back in my coat. "There. You've seen it now," I said slightly nervous for no apparent reason.
    "Oh...okay then" he said, being snapped out of the reverie that the presence of the beautiful rock had caused. We walked along seemingly unfazed but both of us feeling the mounting tension above like a giant wave ready to crash down upon us.
    A few minutes later, Darwin spoke, "Hey...that rock...can I have it?" he asked in an oddly anxious tone.
    "What?? The rock? Um...no...it's mine," I hastily sputtered out, my subconscious fears confirmed.
    "Well why not?" he asked slightly irritated, as if he was talking to a toddler who wouldn't put his toys away.
    "Um? Because it's MINE and I like it! What more of an explanation do you need?" I snapped.
    "Well, I like it too! So, what makes you think you deserve it so much more than me?" he snapped equally viciously.
    "Because I found it!! Duh!" I yelled becoming more tired of my new master by the minute.
    "Well you're MY cabin boy!" he yelled arrogantly.
    "What does that have anything to do with it?! And I'm not a boy! And I'm tired of pretending I'm one!!!" I yelled even louder than my last sentiment.
    "It has EVERYTHING to do with it!! And you're not a boy? Huh...I wondered why you've been so cranky recently..." He said in his quiet mocking tone.
    That had just crossed the line. I was angry and willing to show it. He chose the WRONG time of the month to mess with R. H. Taylor!!! I tackled him and pinned him to the ground and began ripping off large parts of his clothes with my teeth. It took him a minute to get over the shock but he soon retaliated by attempting to kick me off him.
    "GET OFF OF ME, YOU BLOODY CRAZY WENCH!" he shouted horrified.
    I spat him in the face, momentarily stunning him again and taking full advantage of his short-lived paralysis by ripping off one of his shoes and thowing it into a small natural pool created by recent rain.
    "HEY!" He cried indignantly
    "BWAHAHAHAHAHA! WHO'S THE GIRL NOW, CHARLEY?" I shrieked, madly drinking in the euphoria of battle.

One hour later....

    Darwin met back with the group, his clothes in tatters and looking like he'd been dunked into the ocean several times closely followed by a severe mauling by several drunken bears.
    "What in the seven hells happened to you?" one of them asked wide-eyed.
    "I'd rather not talk about it. Anything happen to you guys?" he asked tiredly
    "Oh! we were captured by pirates!" he said excitedly.
    "Lucky."