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February 9th
Today we left Cape Verde, and FitzRoy said we would soon be crossing the equator. The island wasnıt too exciting. The plants were boring and so were the animals. The volcano wasnıt very exciting either. Nor were the pirates, as well as all of the other ships packed with people wanting to trade. Now that you have read all that, forget it. Those were all lies, and what really happened I documented on some paper in my pocket. Below is transcribed of what happened on that day of January 21st 1832, which was later entitled Life, the Universe and Hilot.
Well, the day started out normal with me walking around upon the island. Mr.X was shooting the life out of the animals that had done nothing to him, Matikhara was doing whatever he does, along with all the others doing whatever they were doing. Now more importantly, this doesnıt matter. Itıs me who matters (at least in my story); the others are mentioned in the interest of keeping you reading the story.
So as I, being the only one of importance (in this story), walked along the beach, I suddenly noticed something. Now whatever I noticed was also of no importance what-so-ever so, I continued to walk along the beach. I walked on, finding nothing of further interest aside from a dead jellyfish that I poked with a stick. After walking along the beach, I turned back and poked the jellyfish some more, then went to look for other dead things to poke. After poking a dead bird, something that had lost a recognizable shape, and an animal with a rather large shotgun wound in it, I headed back toward the ship.
The wind was blowing a nice clam-scented sea breeze, and the ship was rather empty. I asked one of the remaining crewmembers whom was hanging up some of the rigging, if the chef, captain and missionary were on the ship.
"Well not that I know of. I think they went to the shore. You may want to check his logboo-" He had gotten himself tangled in the rigging and called over the other on-duty sailor to help free him.
I headed down into the kitchen, found that everyone in there was onshore, and proceeded to help myself to what would have been the captain's meal. After hiding the evidence, I went through the nearest wormhole and out the other end into FitzRoy's storeroom. I then opened the door, went into his cabin, noted the shiny rocks upon Darwin's desk and then wrote the words "I'm not going insane" in FitzRoy's logbook, and then went to play with the chronometers. I set them all a minute ahead.
I went back into my portal, to go to the storeroom, of which now housed Fred and that now empty barrel labeled, "Emergency water do not waste!" Feeling tired of a hard days not-work, I proceded back through the wormhole, however something that was of relevance (unlike most of this story) happened. As I stepped through the wormhole, my foot did not meet the ground upon the other side, instead it seemed to be in a void—a rather empty void—like most voids are, and I lost balance, because I was expecting my foot to land and I had already shifted my body leaning weight toward the portal, much like it has in the picture that I drew while doing such.
After falling forward into a badly drawn portal, I spun forward in the air, or at least I assumed that it was air, even if it had a green tint to it. The tint faded, and the area around me became clearer. I was in a field, which was strange because the ground had seemed to form beneath my feet, and there were little blobs of color bouncing around the field. I noted that when they collided they merged together into a larger blob of a mixed color. The blobs all started gravitating to one area, upon which a large grey blob was forming, all while I stood there, unable to move. As the blobs (or blob now, for they were mostly together now) formed into this hulking thing, it began to take form, into a rather large human-ish shape.
The field started to melt away into the being, and I managed to form the word, "God?"
The being then responded, taking a full shape in a matter of seconds, "No I'm not God, I'm just a plot convenience."
"Oh," I responded to the man, whom then made a response to my response.
"I'm sent by a greater being—yes, but that being only controls our every action and to him we donıt exist as he writes our lives away mindlessly. He's decided that you shouldn't know that and will wipe it from our minds when I finish this sentence."
"What?" I responded, dazed at how he could say something that escaped me all in one breath, for it normally took a few sentences to lose my interest.
"Well, basically Iım here to inform you of what is going on."
"And that would be?" I asked.
"Well, for starters it would include basic time travel laws, and it would end any loopholes created as such."
"Oh, I guess that would be good, do you mind hurrying? I have a world to get back to."
-Warning the following is impossible and will give you a headache -
To skip ahead, click here
"Well," he said ignoring me, "First of all, in simple sense, all this has already happened by the time it started, because when you left, the time was ahead of were you are now, even if you are experiencing it currently, it has already happened, therefore any actions you take can not change anything that has already happened, for those actions have already been taken and would cause themselves never to have started in the first place, leaving you with the one strand that you are on now, in which all your actions can not in anyway effect the time stream, for because they have happened, and were filtered by a loophole, which could be considered a form of god, for it chooses what happens to us, therefore forcing you into a path that must happen, all explains why I am here, for I am one of these holes, as the 'god' eliminated all other possible ways for the universe to work with you in it at the time I grabbed you, and in turn, created me to explain this to you in order to keep the universe working right, and is you remember, since this all already happened it will work, and in a sense you, the one known as 'Hilot', are a problem in existence, and if I didn't exist, which is impossible because it already happened, you would stop the universe in its tracks, which also can't exist because time is lumped together in a plane that has every point on it connecting together in one undefinable shape that must exist for the shape to exist upon itself, and I am the Oil for the machine that this shape is, even if it has stopped working and yet still is doing the same thing it is doing now and forever and stopping all welling doing the same thing that it isn't, which once again must be possible because in simple sense it is the only way it can be due to itself, and I, being the oil, will remove you from the shape, or machine, in order to make it all work, for without me, once again, this entire shape would collapse upon itself, yet since in order for it to exist anyway, it must have imploded upon itself already, and exploded well imploding at the same time, which again must be possible for us to exist and in turn cycle itself into existing, forcing itself in turn to not exist, but with us being here now means it must exist and yet it can'ıt due to itself existing, which defies itself in the way that it can not use this for it has a loophole, and still forces itself to submit to its own rules which in turn can not exist for it can't create them without first having the need to create them, and further sending this into the 'can not exist' hole, forcing it in turn to exist, which keeps it going even if it is stopped and remains stopped as it moves in all possible ways expanding into the void that you fell into that is where we are now, explaining the meaning of life, even if the field around you has long since existed as it does now, in turn not existing at all, god makes it work, and since god can't exist because he does, launches us into the next issue of me explaining to you what you already know, for this has already happened, and the universe is a one dimensional shape that fits within itself that houses all of the other dimensions within it, and is forever not doing anything as it works itself away finding everything that can possibly be done or possibly exist even though it doesn't do anything and it is impossible, and of course this explains who I am..." he said, finishing his six-hundred-twenty-five word sentence all in one breath that he already said.
-For those of you that have skipped this, you may now resume-
"Good" the man said, smiling as he imploded and exploded at the same time.
What happened next is that I came out of the other end, a few seconds after when I had gone in, and fell slightly after I had lost balance and narrowly missed a pickle that I would have slipped on had I not fallen.
I told myself that the void I slipped in must have been a Stofer thingy and went on about my business...
