From the log of Matikhara Kaliman, family member

January 7th, 1832 7:00 AM

I have just received a time-travel letter from my father Lacian Kaliman, the chief of my tribe. The letter is presented here:

March 7, 2005
4th cabin on the Beagle
Dear Matt:
I hope you are doing well in the 19th century. Back in the 21st, the tribe is still stable, though you are a good leader for them when I am absent. We are planning a trip to the Galapagos Islands when you return, and the jaguar that menaced you is now our main food for the whole winter.

Sincerely,
Lacian Kaliman
Chieftain of the Kaliman Tribe

I immediately set to work on the letter back. I was working in the main hold so there would be no noise, but I still did not notice the sizeable but hidden hole near my feet:

January 7th, 1832
Lacian Kaliman

Dear Mother and Father,
How are you? I have been promoted to cook's assistant, so I can not only give the crew something other than rat stew :-(, but control who eats what. My friend Bart is dung-master, and he unlike other people, relishes the job. I wonder how Teresa, the travel agency lady, controls the Stofer Interface to do what she wants. It seems completely random. I have told Bart to melt down my van with his gas jet for—what's all this water?!? Lapping around my ankles and leaking through my socks... I'll have the carpenter and the oakum-stuffers get to it right away. Anyway, I have told Bart to melt down my van for currency, weapons, and ammo right away, as I neglected to bring money or bow/arrows. I can't talk more, because the water is at my knees...

Sincerely,
Matikhara Kaliman
Cook's assistant and passenger on the Beagle & your loving son

     By then I rushed out of the room and shouted, "What a mess it is in here! Get the bilge-pumpers, the oakum-stuffers, and the carpenter and his assistant here on the double! It's a leak, and a big one!" As I rushed out of the room, I nearly collided with the carpenter's assistant—actually the stowaway I saw earlier—and the oakum-stuffers. I saw Hilot give a start and dash out of the way and through a side passage with a "How the heck?!?" I rushed after him, always keeping him in sight through the dark series of rooms we ran through. I recognized the Mess Tables, the Gunroom, the Midshipman's Berth, the Spirit Room, the Slop Room, and the Gunroom Storeroom, where he reached his hand through what looked like a hole in time-space and disappeared.
     I would have inspected it, but, remembering my duties as cook's assistant, I rushed back through the ship, into the mess room, and to the kitchen, which was thankfully empty (I had promised the cook some time off). I considered putting some pepper into Mr. X's egg loaf, but when I entered the mess hall again to see if he had anything else to delay him from killing Lucky or the cat, I saw him fondling yet another 18th-century gun and sitting calmly. I figured that, since he had gotten seasickness herbs from Aliaranel, the sickness should kick in soon and disable him.
     After Mr. X had departed to the crew's quarters to see Aliaranel (to get even more seasickness medicine), I dashed up the stairs, across the deck, down a ladder, and into the Slop Room. Bart, the dung-master, was waiting for me there so he could give me the melted-down pieces of my van in the form of coins, with the electronic parts to the video games separate. As I entered, I did not see Bart, just his sneaker tracks in the dung leading to the gunroom storeroom. I followed the tracks with ease, making barely a print on the fresh dung. Maybe I could not only receive what was left of my van but solve the problem with Hilot's disappearance too.
     As I entered the gunroom storeroom, I noticed Bart waiting patiently inside it. I said, "Why weren't you waiting in the slop room?" I interrogated him. "I heard a commotion from the storeroom and saw you dash out of it. I thought you would return to here, not the slop room. "Here. Everything's in the chest," he replied, holding out a chest full of coins, electronics, and shotguns. I took it eagerly, and then watched him leave.
     When he had left, I knelt over the small hole which Hilot had escaped through. As I stuck my head through it and noticed the familiar surroundings of the captain's storeroom, I realized it was indeed a genuine time-space portal. As I entered it fully, it seemed to react to the presence of a full person, as I got sucked into the fabric of time and space.

     (This writing is dedicated to my ordeal in time-space and will be translated after. Read this and weep in confusion!)

     This translated is:

     When I fell through the portal, I noticed that I was falling. Not falling from a high place, but the sensation of falling and never hitting the ground. It was this feeling of terror that gripped me. I saw images cascade past me in a flood, and I noticed that they all portrayed a different area of the Beagle. To stop my fall, I reached out for a random picture. Before I could grip it, I felt my feet hit metal with a cold 'trannnnnnggggggggggggg!!!' When I had gathered up my wits, I dove into the first image I spotted, which, though I did not notice, was an image of the sea in front of the bow of the Beagle, All of a sudden, I felt water under my feet instead of metal, and my writing returned to normal.

     As soon as I realized I was in the path of a ship, albeit a slow-moving one, I shouted, "MAN OVERBOARD!!!!!" in my loudest voice and drew my sword. I did not hack at the Beagle, but plunged the machete into the side of the ship and began to climb. As I climbed, the ubiquitous Bart rushed to the side of the ship and tossed me a rope. I grabbed it and climbed up it easily, leaving myself room to get up into the ship itself. Once I had reached the railings and slipped onto the deck, I decided to seek out Hilot, the carpenter's assistant so I could dispel any worries he might have about me. I rushed to the crew's quarters at full speed, passing the sleeping Mr. X and all the other crew before I found Hilot. I whispered, "Could I have a talk with you? I just want to tell you that I'm not giving you away to the crew right now. We'd better do this somewhere quiet."

     After we had moved to the gunroom storeroom, Hilot resumed the conversation: "I could, you know, escape from here at any moment. But you don't know how, so I'll play fair (gasp!) and stay here for the moment."
     I decided it was time I informed him of my discovery and said, "You're right- wait. Did you mean the time-space portal?"
     He gasped, "How do you know? You must have seen me disappear!"
     "You're right again. However, I'll have you know that I have not given you away to the crew. You should thank me for that," I said in a matter-of-fact way.
     "Why should I care, If I can escape through the portal when I want to? Anyway, could you help me make more weird Stofer stuff happen?" he replied.
     "I already did. Somehow I made the time-space vortex take me to anywhere on the ship I wanted," I replied.